10 Stress Busting Tips

So, you're feeling stressed, everything seems a bit overwhelming, you have a hundred things to do and the list seems endless. The house is a mess, the kids are playing up, your boss is on your back, the bills haven't been paid, you've rowed with your partner, you are exhausted . You had a lousy night's sleep and woke up with a headful of worries, and now the migraine is back.

All you want to do is climb back into bed, pull the duvet over your head and hope it all miraculously goes away. 

Feeling like this is not unusual. Many, many of us, from time to time experience the feeling of being unable to cope, things getting on top of us and lacking control, to the point where life seems to be a burden, and endless cycle of difficulties. It almost seems shameful to admit, after all, everyone has problems don't they?

So what do you do? Reach for the chocolate? Have another glass of wine? Lose yourself in hours of mindless TV, or on facebook? Sometimes it seems easier to distract ourselves in activities that aren't the best for our health and wellbeing. It seems comforting, familiar, undemanding. But does it always make us as happy as we would like it to?

Learning to manage and combat stress might seem daunting, but little by little, step by step, you can make little changes here and there that can have a huge impact on your well being: restore your self esteem, improve your health and allow you get more out of life, enjoying the moment and looking forward to the future.

Over the next few days I'll be posting  a list of tips and suggestions that can help you better manage your stress. Please have a look through, see which ones seem to resonate with you, and perhaps pick one to focus on. Have a real think about it, sit with it, make a choice to commit to it in a way that is achievable and works for you. It's a start. And starting to make change is always positive.

Be Active

Taking some form of exercise is fantastic for clearing your thoughts, energising, and helping to reduce some of the emotional intensity that you are feeling. And it can be free!

Just go for a walk, do some gardening (that would kill two birds with one stone - metaphorically speaking),or have a gentle jog down the road. Even 5 minutes will get the heart pumping and blow away some cobwebs.

If you have time go for a swim at your local pool, it is often much emptier during the day before school finishes.

 Go to a class at your local leisure centre - there are hundreds of drop in ones to chose from, from zumba to powerhoop (yes, really) from pilates to bodyattack. There are even classes that you can go to with young children and babies.
 
Or if you have a little one - strap them in the buggy, put on some comfy shoes, and just head out. Excercising in the open air is refreshing and gives you a change of scene too.

 If you prefer to exercise in private you could always do a fitness dvd. Again, you don't even need to spend much, charity shops are brimming with other people's fitness rejects on sale for a couple of pounds. Or if you have satellite or freeview there are channels which show all sorts of fitness workout programmes for you to chose from.

I have just started going to "boot camp", yoga keeps me flexible, and strong but after a long winter I really need a fitness boost. We do very strange things with medicine balls and little weights, in public view,  right in the middle of the park. But, do you know, we may look daft, I may have wanted to throw up after 30 minutes, but it's great fun. Lots of fresh air and we have a good laugh as we moan our way through the ordeal. And it's so invigorating, I just can't wait to go again.

So, have a go, and enjoy.

Connect with people

You know what they say - a problem shared is a problem halved. Having a strong support network is vital to good mental health. But more and more people today are feeling isolated and lonely.

Chatting away on facebook is no substitute for meeting up for a cuppa, or even chatting on the phone. Sometimes, we can get used to saying no to invitations to meet up, and breaking that pattern becomes harder and harder if we are not feeling on good form. 
 
So make some time to be with friends, activities we share with friends helps us to relax. Reconnect with old friends if you have hidden away for a while. Good friends remain even if you haven't been in touch for a while.

Turn to someone if you need to, to share a little of how you are feeling. Don't be surprised if the first thing they say is that they wish you had said something sooner. They may even know from personal experience what you feel like.
Giving yourself permission to open up about things is not a sign of weakness or shame. So reach out. It may help you get some perspective on how you are feeling, and offer some solution.

Take control

The feeling of loss of control is one of the main causes of stress and lack of wellbeing. But if you keep telling yourself that you can't do anything about your problem, then your stress will only get worse.

So don't bite off more than you can chew; start with something that you feel you can manage such as washing the dishes or making an appointment. And give yourself a pat on the back when it's done.

The act of taking control is in itself empowering, and it's a crucial part of finding a solution that satisfies you and not someone else.

Time Management

Get organised. Create a list of all the things you need to do, but prioritise. Put the least vital tasks at the bottom of your list, and take one task at a time.

Alternate dull jobs with interesting ones. And don't expect to get everything done. But cross out each job on the list when it is completed. It gives a great sense of achievement.

Me Time

In the UK we have some of the longest working hours in Europe, and at the end of the day, whether we spend it at work or in the home we often feel to tired or that there is no time to relax, socialise, exercise or do anything enjoyable for ourselves.

 

 

So it is really important to try to find some space to mentally and physically unwind, and recharge your batteries. The key is not to feel guilty about it.
Even something as simple as running a bath full of bubbles, a few candles, a book or some soothing music, shutting the door and laying back to let the water sooth away your tensions can be incredibly healing.
 Give yourself permission, you are allowed.

Challenge Yourself

Sometimes we can get bogged down in the routine and monotony of life. Everyday seems the same, there are no surprises, and that in itself can be stressful. But setting yourself goals and challenges, whether at work or outside, such as learning a new language, taking part in a new sport or hobby, doing a course, all help to build confidence, self esteem and a sense of achievement. That in turn will help you deal with stress.

By constantly challenging yourself you’re being proactive and taking charge of your life, and by continuing to learn, you become more emotionally resilient as a person. It arms you with knowledge and makes you want to do things rather than be passive, such as watching TV all the time.

 

Avoid unhealthy habits

When things get stressful, or we don't feel so good about ourselves, it is all too easy to seek comfort from things that actually aren't good for us. We smoke more, drink more alcohol, comfort ourselves with chocolate, crisps, biscuits and unhealthy food, drink more caffeine and take less exercise, partly because we don't care about ourselves enough to worry about our health.

But these things only offer temporary relief. We are avoiding the problem, sticking our head in the sand, and actually are creating a new problem for ourselves.

Ask yourself if you have started to rely on any of these. See if there are any specific triggers that increase this behaviour. Ask for help with giving up or cutting down if you need it.

 

Do something for others

Helping other people can be hugely rewarding, but it can also help you to become more resilient, improve self esteem and confidence. There are many ways to do this, and it can be a simple as doing someone a little favour, it costs nothing.

Alternatively, if you have some spare time you could consider doing some volunteering. Have a look at what charities or organisations operate locally, you can find out online or in your local paper,  perhaps there is one that you particularly identify with; you can get involved in anything from spending a few hours with the elderly who are isolated in their homes or help with their shopping, volunteer at a charity shop, or a hospice for example.

Volunteering may only require a few hours commitment each week, or even each month if that is all you can spare. It is rewarding in that you gain confidence and satisfaction in the knowledge that you are working for a good cause, and may open up a different group of friends at the same time.

Seeing and understanding other people's problems also helps sometimes to put our own in perspective.

Or how about doing some fundraising? Fancy taking part in a sponsored walk, swim, silence? Events like these always have a brilliant sense of community, and getting sponsors is so much easier these days with the internet, facebook and online donation sites like JustGiving make raising and collecting money easy to do. Not like the good old days when you had to knock on all your neighbours doors, fill in forms then go back to collect all the pennies

Earlier this year we took part in a sponsored "sleepout" for a local homeless charity, in January, in the rain. Funds raised will contribute to providing service users with hot showers, food and drinks, somewhere to wash, and replacing clothes and bedding that have been stolen or lost.

Some charities even give out little donation boxes; so you could keep one on your desk at work, or have it at home as a" swear" box and raise some much needed funds without lifting a finger.

Be Positive

The Bobby McFerrin song "Don't worry, be Happy" may be some people's mantra, but at the time it came out, its gentle cheeriness used to drive me mad. "Easier said than done" I would think. And there is nothng worse than someone telling you to "cheer up, it might never happen" when you are feeling completely lousy.

But problems are a question of perspective. Sometimes I prefer to use the word "challenges" as it makes me think that they are things I can do something about, change, solve, and ultimately learn and grow from.
We can feel less overwhelmed by things if we can learn to adopt a "glass half full" mentality, and to recognise and appreciate the things we do have rather than what is lacking or difficult.

Gratitude exercise: at the end of the day, write down 3 things for which you are grateful and which went well for you. Have a go at this for a week. Doesn't have to be big stuff either. You never know, you might have more blessings than you realise.

Accept what you can't change

Changing a difficult situation isn't always possible. If this proves to be the case, recognise and accept things as they are and concentrate on everything that you do have control over.

For example, if your company is going under and is making redundancies, there’s nothing you can do about it, there’s no point fighting it. In such a situation, you need to focus on the things that you can control, such as looking for a new job.
Or if someone is ill, you cannot make them better, but you can support them, see they are getting the help they need, look into alternative therapies, and find ways to cheer them up.

Actually, Reinhold Neibold puts it a lot better than I do:


Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

I hope that you find some of these suggestions helpful to you, and illustrate that you can take steps to manage your own stress, and cope a little better. If things do feel really overwhelming there are many sites on the internet that are extremely helpful, and I shall be creating a list shortly. But do visit your doctor if you feel that you are unable to cope on your own.

And please feel free to leave any comments and let me know how you are getting on.

Until next time, keep safe, keep well,
all love,

Leah